Confidence, Boundaries, & that song

     I think as we grow up or older (or out) we risk the mindset of, well, this is how life is supposed to be, this is how i'm supposed to function, and we forget that the dreams that we have inside of our hearts are there for a specific reason.  God puts into our souls the very things that our hearts desire- and more so the very things that our minds are capable of placing together, & of achieving.
     You are now your teacher & student, you are your big brother or sister, you are your mother or father- your uncle or aunt, you are you best friend, you are the origin of your discipline ( I highly recommend continually developing & strengthening these relationships with your actual family members, confidants, and friends...) - but no longer do you need to look left or right or wait for permission.
     It's a pretty common thing to look back on your life & say HEY! I remember when I was like that.  It happens to the best of us, because the best of us take the chance to do a little self evaluation here and there to make sure what we are doing is where we want to be going.  People who say people don't change are lazy humans.
     For the past 18 years, maybe longer I've allowed myself to be trapped by other's assumptions of who I am, even to the point- & there is no pride in this, that I compromise who I am to better enable the other person to live in their theories.  This is not a "Christian" thing, in fact, it's the exact opposite of that Christian thing of living in this world and allowing your life to evoke change for the better.
    A friend of mine mentioned a couple of weeks ago that in his mind there seems to be a fine line between confidence & being a jerk.  There is, and as with him, the tendency on my part has always to avoid the jerk to the point of shrinking back inside.  This is no way to live!  We do no good living in fear of others looking at us.           More so that mere identity issue is a fact based on the assumption that those who do not want to be jerks have the possibility of becoming jerks.  I'm never going to be a, pardon my French, bitch or douche bag- because those are the very things that I detest.  That friend?  Seemingly incapable of jerkdom.  Instead of being what you are not, we should aim at perfecting who we are and what we hope.
         I'm pontificalific right now.
     All this being said, the past two months have been a bit of a struggle - allowing myself to step out in complete confidence in Christ, and to allow myself to approach the day with the smile on my face that woke up with me, the smile that proceeds out of the mouth of joy because of the growing peace & love of Christ inside.  I feel I feel I feel like a morningstar.  A young morningstar who was given a headstart on a lot of things in life- who has a lot of dreams in her heart, a passion in her soul, and a God given mind to do it.