Monday, July 21, 2014

What a fantastical journey


It may be, internally the best moment of my life, eternally speaking free from strife and let me tell you breathing feels good.  Entering into college my second year we learned a lot about our breathing, our breathe, our life force and I learned that I did not breathe much.

Holding my breathe

Always holding my breathe

With a resting pulse rate of 42, my body had been conditioned to always being ready for a response

And here we are, free again but this time I'm returning to a peace, a freedom I attained when I was a young child- something so simple and elegant that regardless of circumstances my joy is filled.

How much more living can be done from a place of borderline arrogance, an arrogance of living life to the fullest because it has been given to you - blessed to you - graced to you - and in mercy you're undeserving but still able to muster up a thank you, to muster up a Praise God or a glory hallelujah, or at least today was a my lucky day.

Borderline arrogance is a luxury quick to slip to contentment when not challenged with the ever giving truth a promise brings - this is not the end, our lives here are as fleeting as the wind, and our ability to leave any bit of a mark on the world is something to be held in hands that are clean.  I can't for the life of me, all potential puns intended, express into words what it feels like to be running for so long and to finally, for once, sit still.  To be still and to know God is God - to actually in my heart and soul beat simply together out of love for Creator and in care for all He creates.

Kind of makes me want to punch myself.  Bloody it up a bit to make me feel better about the fact that I don't deserve this much elegance or beauty.  If that's not a sheer shock of selfish humanity i'm not sure what is.

But no, lavished grace and an unashamed face and still all I can muster up is a thank you, is a "God you are magnificent beyond my words, here take my heart, here take my work, here please take all of me"

Until there is nothing left, except for a girl in a slip dress sitting in her bedroom at 5 min until tomorrow unable to do anything but be.  I can't sleep and for good cause, I guess .  Some cause I guess

Did you know my sweetest heart is calm?  Under layers and layers of living, under wraps of jokes and thoughts and musings, my sweetest heart is calm and I know this because it's pouring water, out of my tear ducts.

Sweet peace, beautiful evening...hola manana

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