In obedience I write this blog. I am very tired, and have an early morning but know I should get this onto virtual paper as soon as possible.
About two and a half years ago I was at Konak's shooting pool when the subject of Christian metal came up in conversation. This conversation eventually led to me mentioning that I was a Christian myself, to which my very atheist friend & colleague pointed out, "You're a Christian? You never talk about it." Woops.
And Ouch. He was right. I hadn't mentioned it before and certainly wasn't exactly broadcasting it. I told him that I was hoping that I wouldn't need to talk about it and it would just live out in my actions. "Told"... "words".
A very noble thing but not necessarily accurate at the time of this discussion. In fact, I think after that conversation I was thinking more about what he thought about what we were saying instead of what God thought. More importantly we didn't stay on that topic, we changed topics very quickly back to serve the setting we were in. To serve the moment and the occasion.
So I attempted to be more verbose about my relationship with God. It was about a month or so after that that God grabbed my attention and shook me and said, "Child look- you talk about Me more than you talk to Me, and that's not a relationship". So I started going to Church more frequently and even had the opportunity to join a Bible study and get back connected with the Christian Church, and found myself serving again but more so I could show myself and God I could serve then actually for anyone's needs. That slowly changed, as God reminded me what it meant to thirst for Him and to serve out of love and compassion. In this God began correcting my heart. And I was still making it on the outside world- rocking a competitive position with the odds against me.
And then six months later I found myself single, alone, jobless, and confused. By the grace of God I landed a Nanny job that paid my rent for a month while I looked for work, and out of the goodness of a friend of mine's heart she got me a job at the school she was working at. A few months later I started serving more frequently and devouring Scripture. God really became my one and only again.
When you start living a life for more than just what this world is made out of - the rituals, expectations, and normalcy start to break away. The world lives dully, as if someone were to hand you fine porcelain but you are too lazy to shake of the plaster of paris. There's beauty seen in small spots all over the porcelain piece and you just accept that most of it looks dull, and makes you dusty. The tiny holes in the plaster where the porcelain shine through aren't any prettier. The world holds onto those holes in the plaster, embraces them as if they are treasured aspects of our human existence. They are, but there is so much more they could be enjoying. More on that another time.
So God shook off the plaster in my world. Which was mostly made of my pride. In this shake down though God did what He has been doing in my life since I was a small child. Reminding me who I serve, who it is that is with Me at all times. He reconfirmed that He alone was Who I served and He alone is perfection and completeness. And He reawakened my heart to thirst after Him alone. I'm not saying everyone has to go to each extreme but I am now very much glad that I have been. It took me about a year and a half after realizing Who exactly I wanted to serve to actually be in a position of serving the Lord as my only Master. Deep in love with Who Christ is and in so being fully aware of where my flesh falls short. "Life looks like a movie" I said to my drummer a couple of weeks ago to which he finished, "everyone playing their own part as if they were reading off a script because they are scared to do anything else"
About a month ago I started babysitting for a family here in Chicago. This family was a tad difficult but daily I thanked God I was working for Him and not for the man in charge. In this very case, and instant if I had been serving him alone I would have been under constant scrutiny, and unjustly liable for things. But I wasn't serving him. I was serving God so the tantrums and anger and unjusticeness took on a different appearance. The nature of this man's heart was being opened and revealed as his reality and his family and his needs became more important than my own. In fact, going anywhere now is hilarious because I'm not there for me. I'm there for God. Because the only person Who I will be with for all of eternity will be God.
While I must obey those in authority over me, it's because they are managing this area, this specific section of life here on Earth, and they were put there by God. Not because the weight of their words or actions has any bearing on what it is that I have been asked to do. Which is to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with God. (Micah 6:8) We are to love the Lord our God with all our heart and with all our soul and with all our mind. We are to love our neighbor as ourselves. (Luke 10:27-28) and we live with an eternal perspective. (2 Corinthians 4:16) Ladies and gentlemen you are now free to walk about the cabin.
God worked a miracle in that home and the family had a marked difference in their relationships with each other when I left. If I had been the metal punk self seeking ego tripped Christian lip service girl I was 2 and a half years ago, who knows what would have happened in that home. I may still have that job but God would have worked in there with someone else to bring about His will and I would still be on the side lines, attempting to clock in with a world that isn't even paying attention to real beauty.
Eventually I'll write a blog about living eternally. This is a new thing. A really new thing. I had understood the concept for a while but because of God's amazing diligence in finish the work He started in my heart, and the will and desire He meets and excites daily, finally, finally, the world is slipping away and I feel like i'm on an extended vacation in some bizarre land where you're supposed to collect junk and make a name for yourself in .0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001... of your cognitive existence. Ridiculous.
Much love,
Gabella
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