I'm sitting across from my roommate Laura E-P-P who is wearing a light blue shirt identical to one I purchased back when I was in high school. Most of my clothes, like all children of frugal parents, were hand me downs. Every once in a while we would go clothes shopping though - and this shirt is one that I held onto for about 10 years before I donated it. It was tired, and old, and had stains. My roommate is wearing my shirt. Or at least a shirt identical to it. I'll get back to this.
In middle school and high school I kept extremely busy with extracurricular activities. I fell in love when I was like 12 (It's what you do when you're 12) I played worship music with my father, led Children's Church with my brother, played soccer (opted over ballet tomboy style-still a tomboy but could have benefited from ballet). I also worked at a grocery store part time, for that spending cash that bought me items from the grocery store...and maybe the occasional latte. Savings too, yeah, that too... and it was great. I had no friends save for a few total dorks- and spent my time melting things together or going on extravagant adventures in my backyard. At one point I made the decision to quit the grocery store. Much to me loving every minute of scanning items I decided to jump full force into the IB Organization.
So I quite Fresh Pride - "Where we are prideful of our freshness". Not necessarily our slogan but I said it to everyone who came through my line. I certificated graduated with honors from IB the whole time thinking to myself, "YEAH- I can apply to become an actor and also not be an idiot. If I knock out my first two years of college I can take whatever electives I want, and then plan for the next five years while i'm IN college. And on top of that i'm going to evangelize the campus! Game plan go!" I get to college, and my good Christian girl morals go whooooo out the party door.
I had never been tested in my faith. Didn't need to think about whether or not I was going to drink or smoke or have sex because up until that point, duh, I didn't do any of that. When actually faced with those challenges though, failed, pleasurably, I mean, miserably..but you get the point. I spent four years wandering. God took care of me the whole time- had my back, still guided my every step. Because of this I can very well explain to you the true meaning of salvation, and grace, and the Gospel. Because God uses everything. Most of that time was not too happy but that was my choice- I walked away. The rapes and the bad relationship decisions and the abuse that all happened yeah, because this world is broken, because people are selfish, and stuff sucks out there but I would be a fool to say that if I had been in Church, if I had been walking the path I knew that jank would have still happened. I wasn't though, and it did. So here I am- where God wants me to be. The distant path of hope is not one to say oh I've failed I should be there, it's a distant path of hope that says, "next time pay attention, trust where you are, and follow Me".
That time is most surely now.
In my bereavement of those fours years in college I cried out to God the spring semester of my Senior year. If only I could do it all over again. If only I could go back, if I could be back where I was to make the right decisions to be at the place where I knew God wanted me to really be...and I graduated from college. Truth being though we can't go back. We move forward, God is outside of time- we are asked to let go of time, because we continually move forward.
Come the summer after graduation I had finally really recommitted my life to the Lord. I spent those months with a man I was sure I was going to marry, and once the fall hit determined I was going to move to Chicago & do stuff. More specifically a paid internship at a Theatre here in Chicago. Theatre Building Chicago to be exact, reputable, amazing- been around since the 70s. Steppenwolf got their start in this building. After six months the board sold the building to good hands, took 1.2 billion dollars and me with them. I went from Box Office Assistant to Executive Assistant in two weeks. That lasted until my internship was up six months later. Regardless, if you ever want to talk to the IRS or fill out a grant or get payroll rolling, we should talk about people you can hire because I am NOT a bookkeeper. I am however a diplomat, and a company manager. :)
So in February, quite exactly one year after coming to Chicago everything sort of fizzled out. I was up to renew my lease with my roommate in March and decided to move in with a woman from Church. That place was flooded, and I moved out and into an apartment with an old friend of mine from VCU, that lasted about a year. Once February rolled around I also started working for the LOOP ministry and really started getting back in a right relationship with God- the LOOP job transformed into something more substantial after I left my position at a Children's Learning Center- I took a position as the Children's Coordinator at the LOOP for one of the campuses at Park. I was not ready for this position and if I could go back in time I would have politely asked for a better job description and list of responsibilities. During this time I started nannying
Do you see where i'm going with this?
And doing part time day care for a family with the Chicago Super Sitters. The day I left my position at Park as the Children's Coordinator I made plans with Anu to join Chasing Daylight (at that time, Goodbye Saturday). Now I lead worship with Chasing Daylight as their bassist. The family I was Nannying's position ended because she was going to summer camp, and I took a job at Whole Foods. I loved this job at Whole Foods. Super easy, a lot of fun, and totes God glorifying all of the times. I left my job there to dive into Chasing Daylight more and the full time paid mom training (forward planning people) for twins i'd like to call the I&B Organization.
And God is laughing. And I am completely dumbfounded at His glory. They say the devil is in the details but I'm pretty sure that's because people don't want to see God. God invented details to make us smile. God invented details you will never notice but they are there for a purpose. Now, I will take better care of this time in my life. After all that's what I asked for and promised as His child.
My roommate has on a light colored blue shirt that is identical to the one I had when I was in high school and part way through college. Except that blue shirt is not mine. Because mine had stains on it. This shirt is new and blemish free. God is good. Let me press upon you be anxious for nothing.
Oh yeah, and in November I begin ballet. :)
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