tonight i sat with a stopwatch keeping track of seconds, and minutes, and hours- for all good purpose but right now as i sit listening to nina simone, unloading the dishwasher (reloading the dishwasher for some pesky clingons), and cooking up a little supper as i get ready to lay into the 3rd shift-> my perception of time is completely eradicated. this is a moment, there is no 11:24 pm, i will sleep the amount i need when i sleep and until then i will be here...right here, in this lack of a minute hand.
that's not to say of course, i'm negligent, take care of yourself- always put on the oxygen mask before you assist the children next to you with theirs.
what it is to say though is - in true vein of concept- that my perception of time or standards or what have you have completely been or are slowly being eradicated. this i feel, may come off sometimes as disinterest, or lack of care- it's more of a lack of worry and fear. a couple weeks ago something was said in service that really stuck with me- the idea that "no man can ever fulfill another man's longing", as we originate from the same perfect Relationship with our Creator- the idea that some other creation can fulfill us is completely absurd. does not compute. the plugs do not fit. this maybe another post! a side note. if you will. perhaps.
"try a little tenderness" just came on :) carmen mcrae and nina simone
a good segway.
i have absolutely no doubt in my mind that over the next few years- this womanhood life land will find a proper permanence in my life, 8) & i'm looking forward to it. my mom once told me that everything you do has a secret, the trick is, to make that secret your own. it's very true. she's a wise woman. and my woman-do will be chock full of personal little secrets.
but with all this completion and maturing with pure delight at understanding, finally understanding, what moving forward means- what living for God means- the "need" for another is changing, not to a "not need", or begrudged spinster status (still pretty young), but to a complete desire. a beauty. recently i finally felt what it meant to have "feelings" for someone. words to concepts- outside of hype & drama and really, any other stuuuupid flaky layer we try to stuff on top of life. not a need, but a want. my mom and dad both stressed the necessity to know the difference. i am now very much seeing the difference.
i do not need someone in my life to share my thoughts and dreams with, i do not HAVE TO HAVE someone to share palms with & thoughts and such and such, but it'd be nice. someone to share your secrets with, someone to be in this world with, simple. perhaps this is a skewed version on the hysterics that have perpetuated the dramas of rock of love and the dating game- or, perhaps it's an unskewed version of all these distractions from a complete fulfillment of unconditional love, through repentance, redemption, and absolute restoration with our source, our origin, our true love. makes the world shine a little brighter if you ask me...
and if you don't ask me that's ok, because frankly i don't think blogger has that direct capability.
freedom folks, is not just some slogan used to sell adhesive and plastic alloys in the colors of red, white, and blue
freedom is something that is very real and beyond time. patience isn't waiting for something to happen, it's being content in what's already happening, and being open for what could happen.
in Jesus name amen? amen
now on to the 3rd shift, and "african mailman"
goooooodnight everyone
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